Art direction & photography by: Maryam Lary

Art direction & photography by: Maryam Lary

Art direction & photography by: Maryam Lary

It’s the weekend… Well, technically not… I quit my job 2 days ago, after endless battles with my heart and brain about leaving a place which was causing me lots of stress, depression and self-worth questioning. My job had every aspect of a toxic work environment. Poor communication, office drama, backbiting and the most draining thing, the bully character who constantly yells and makes you feel bad about every single step you take and feels entitled to do so as they’ve been around for years and knows the job inside out, resting assured they can get away with whatever they do. I guess I will be on a “weekend” for a long time now.

I had breakfast and cleaned my apartment – it’s been long due although I vacuumed the floor and cleaned the tables on weekdays after work, it was always in a rush especially on cold winter days when the daylight hours would be so short and my energy would be drained by the time the sun went down. But it seemed good enough as most of the hair and dust would be cleaned up and that checkbox was marked “done”. On weekends, I would feel so tired, thinking of work still, sleep-deprived over the continuous negativity I got, depressed over the thought of a coming Monday. This time, I cleaned the tables, vacuumed all corners, and wiped the floor. After the first wipe, I looked at the cloth all covered in gray heavy dust and thought “Wow! That’s a lot” it disgusted me. I took another clean cloth and cleaned again and although it was slightly better than the first time, it was still quite a lot. I was shocked! I mean it didn’t look like it. It didn’t look sparkly clean, but clean enough for you to walk on it barefoot.

After I was done cleaning, I opened the blinds and the windows to let the fresh air in and as the sunlight hit the floor, I started to realize that the floor was very shiny, it felt great and motivated me to read and write some poetry with a cup of warm green tea, something that I haven’t done since I started working, as the words started to flow, my eyes suddenly glanced at the shine on the floor making me realize how neglectful I was of the small things that mattered. In a strange way, it made me realize how neglectful I was of my inner self, my feelings, and my general health and also motivated me to write this and share it with you.

You might read this thinking I am crazy, and how is this all connected? And what’s the big deal about the shiny floor? Well, here’s the thing, sometimes we as humans have the tendency to neglect our hearts and emotions thinking of things from the surface, we hear that deep whisper in our hearts crying for help when something isn’t right, but we neglect it and treat it with a temporary solution like watching a movie or listening to a song to feel better in that very moment and when we feel slightly better, we think it’s good enough and we leave it there just like I did with my apartment. It was only after I did some deep cleaning that I realized how much damage was done, it made me realize that my heavy heart was just like that floor, covered with negativity and guilt which didn’t allow me to shine. It was only after I paid attention to my heart and removed the heaviness from it by quitting a job that was harming me from deep inside that I was able to write again. I was able to smile and laugh and move on.

Your heart is the most intelligent part of your body, in fact, your heart started beating before your brain developed. Of course, we all understand the importance of using our brains, but the thing is, our brains sometimes drive us with fear, it thinks about the consequences, the ifs and the buts and the “logic”. Though that is very important, sometimes you have to let your heart lead the way, pay attention to its whispers because no matter how good something might look, if it doesn’t feel right, it’s probably not right. Pay very close attention, let it speak to you, and stop looking at things from the surface, look harder and trust that your heart will take you where you need to go. Let it guide your path.